I feel the exact same way.

I am a 27 year old wife and mother- though I never thought that would happen, I love my family and wouldn't trade them for anything in this world.

That being said....... I have felt different my entire life. There has always been that "something" about me. When I was young I had a ton of friends- practically everyone in the neighborhood met up at my house......but I didn't feel like I was like them, not by a long shot. I always dressed different. I did my hair different. I tried out new things. When kids my age were playing with barbies, I was exploring in the woods, painting, writing poetry, and I spent a lot of time pretending and day dreaming. While other kids were reading about the box car kids, I was reading about the Bermuda Triangle, the witches of Salem, aliens and ufo's, psychic abilities, etc...... Kids always ask a lot of questions, but I think I broke the record. I always questioned everything and to this day I continue to do so. I analyze and re-analyze everything to the point my brain just never rests. When things didn't make sense to me, I dug for answers. Nothing I learned in school made sense to me.... especially science and history. I felt like I wasn't hearing the entire story and I was mad that everyone else was ok with not knowing things...... or accepting things that made no sense. I started getting really bad grades in about 4th grade and it all went downhill from there. I just couldn't do the work- I am the type to where if I can't do something right, and fully understand it, I won't do it. Well, a lot of what I was being taught sounded like total bs to me. Eventually I dropped out in the 8th grade and got right into college. It was never that I wasn't smart, I was actually too smart for my own good. Nothing ever felt right. Everything I did felt like it was taking me down the wrong path. So I dropped out of college- several times. I quit job after job because it would become routine and I would feel like a prisoner to it.

I have crazy dreams and have had them all my life. I remember them down to the detail, even remember dreams I had as a little girl. Lots of common things- being chased by people, sometimes by things I couldn't see, being surrounded by snakes, drowning in a tidal wave or swimming in a murky swamp, demons trying to possess me, end of the world scenarios, stars coming toward earth, fireballs in the sky, bombs, chaos, etc..... lots of dreams of being trapped in a haunted house, dreams of being trapped in a hospital, concentration camps, running through the city trying to find my family during a disaster, lots of praying with groups of people, the dreams just get really bizarre and way too real to mean absolutely nothing. I taught myself how to fly in my dreams. I have lucid dreams and can develop skills, change things, make stuff happen, I even rationalize things in my dreams. I am so analytical in my waking life that even when I dream, I notice things that aren't quite right and become lucid. I have had dreams inside of dreams inside of dreams..... I have had dreams that I swear felt more like out of body experiences..... and I even believe I heard the voice of God himself in a dream. As a kid I often sleepwalked and talked in my sleep. I have always had sleep disturbances, waking up around the same time every night and still do to this day. It's exhausting. So the dream situation is the most prevalent issue for me.

When I was a kid, weird shit happened. One night when I was about 6, I woke up out of my sleep, as I always did. Everything on my floor looked like it was moving, sort of like it was vibrating to the point things were spinning. There were bright balls of light allover my room..... kind of like how when you rub your eyes too hard, only much more visible and realistic looking..... I screamed for my parents and they insisted it was a dream. When I was a kid, it was hard to separate my dreams from reality so I grew up telling myself it was only a dream....... but in my late teens, I kept thinking about it and now at age 27 I honestly believe something happened. I believe it was real. I have always been paranoid----- checking and rechecking doors and windows, checking on my kids to make sure they are still there..... I can't sleep alone. I just lay there for hours paranoid at the slightest sound then my eyes play tricks on me and I keep thinking I see shit- like shadows or distortions in the air.. It's just enough to alert me but not enough to make me REALLY believe I saw something, which starts making me feel crazy like I am losing it. I also feel like I am constantly being watched by a familiar presence. I grew up with this presence. I don't communicate with it or see it but it's still a part of my reality like I just have an awareness that it is there. I can feel when it's near and when it leaves. I used to be scared of "it" but now I feel sort of comforted and there have been so many times I should have died in my life but it felt as if something supernatural has been guiding me. When I start going down the wrong path I get shaken up until I redirect myself. There are so many times I have tried to forget all of this and tell myself I am just being overdramatic and over thinking the situation..... and I go on trying to be normal, trying to live a normal life and enjoy the day to day grind.... but something always brings me back to this neverending soul search.... I obsess over it but the obsessing feels right. Like I am onto something. And I get confirmation when I am onto something....... those chills that just feels like your entire spirit is shaking inside of you..... crying unexpectedly...... the inner peace like you just KNOW something having NO proof, nothing to go off of- some things you just KNOW. That's how I feel.

Last year I started experiencing the 11:11 phenomenon..... I could ramble on about that for a while..... but I will spare you.

I feel it is very important to mention that I am Christian. Do not get the wrong impression here. I don't know it all and a lot of things in the Bible don't make sense to me but I have that feeling of "knowing" that it is the truth. I understand with my human mind there are some things I can't rationalize and there are some things I am either not supposed to know, or the timing for me to know things isn't now...... but I feel it that it's real. I believe a lot of information is missing. I believe there have been mistranslations. But just as the Bible clearly states how important knowledge and wisdom are, I am on a constant search for answers and for the truth. With so many lies in this world, you can't go by words alone, you have to use your spirit to guide you. Beyond what you look like and how you relate to the world and others, those inner thoughts that guide you, that feeling of awareness and consciousness, that's your spirit and it's usually right. If you know you are a good person and you know you mean no harm and only want whats right and true in life, I believe nothing can hurt you and nothing can stop you. So I feel that God wants me to do something important. People listen to me. People connect with me. I am VERY empathetic and am affected by peoples emotions. I know just by being in the presence of someone who they are and what they are about. That's a hard one to deal with. Try explaining to your friend that her new boyfriend will eventually beat her ass..... Upon first meeting him..... try telling someone you KNOW they are lying to you when you have absolutely NO proof.... All you can say is, "Trust me, I just KNOW". That usually doesn't pan out too well and often insults people, even when you only mean right by them..... But I feel that this, along with my understanding and my connection to who I REALLY am and not how I appear, is my gift. And I think that's what is going to ultimately help me achieve my purpose on this earth. I do feel that something horrible is going to happen very soon and I have felt that way my whole life..... like, I don't see myself getting super old..... Since I don't see life being that long for me, I have never been interested in stacking up material possessions and this causes a lot of conflict between me and my husband- because he is one of "those" people who are satisfied with the day to day grind...... How I hate complacency...... but still, I love him and I feel he was brought into my life for a reason. It's funny because the people who come into my life for the long haul always enter it under the STRANGEST circumstances, and I feel they were led to me. Even my husband told me that he doesn't know what it is but something is different and he feels it....... he just doesn't understand. If anyone would like to email me, it's kal32205@gmail.com. I look forward to meeting you all.